When trick or treaters announce their arrival, slowly make your way to the door. You will want to have applied subtle make up. Some bruising of the flesh. Eyes glassed over. Make your way to the door as if you have been injured. Hesitate and stumble as if you are confused. When you do reach the door, fall into it and slump down, spilling the candy ever so slowly. As you stand back up, projectile vomit a combo of corn syrup, and red food coloring onto the window. If any kids remain open the door and shriek at them with the most unholy guttural moan you can create. You will not be bothered again.
Listening to: Death From Above 1979